There's always stories of pain and brokenness at my internship. Prior to stepping into the receiving home, inside my quiet car, I always ask God to allow me to witness what breaks His heart. I pray for a new individual with a new background to love and reach out to. I didn't expect much for the first few days at internship, and honestly not much happened, but lately I've been blown away with how God hears my requests.
Today, I was talking to a young girl who had run away from her abusive father. In the kitchen, she pointed out a black metal bar underneath a table and said her father would sometimes beat her and her siblings with something of similar size, weight, and shape. As I handed her some cup noodles and goldfish crackers, I was at a loss of words. I wondered how it felt to fear someone, of the same flesh and blood, who was supposed to love and cherish you.
Obviously all the years of mistreatment had made her bitter and angry. She quietly yet seriously expressed her hatred for the man, saying that she wanted him in jail so she could live with her mother; apparently her mother lived somewhere in the woods in Texas so that was a long shot. She was also clearly in need of much love and attention. She shared how her African-American father had a new African-American fiancee. She seemed to be apathetic about the whole engagement but aggressively stated that she would kill their baby if they were to have a child. Puzzled and extremely worried about her mental state, I asked her why she would ever think of committing such a violent act.
"My dad's fiancee is nice. I like her and she's what I want in a mom.. but the problem is that the new baby's gonna be full black. Well, I'm half-white and you know what'll happen? Everyone in public is gonna assume I'm adopted. I don't want to stick out like that. I don't want people to think I'm not really a part of the family."
Sweet child, if only we weren't confined within the walls of a state-funded nonprofit organization.. Oh how I would've joyfully shared the Good News with you. Alas, it's against the rules to actively and openly share your faith unless you're first asked.
I pray that one day you do see yourself of more worth. I pray that you would come to know what love really is (1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment"). Your identity is in Christ alone and you were fearfully and wonderfully made within His own hands. You are always welcomed, loved, and accepted in your Heavenly Father's arms. I am someone who can verify that.
I came to internship lacking sleep and energy from studying late for a genetics midterm (which I totally bombed) but came out feeling more thankful than ever. Even with the unusual overload of children during today's shift and early morning disappointments, I praise God for all that's He's doing with this heart of stone. I can feel it melting and pumping with love more and more each second.
